Where to start?

Free thought association: applying Vaseline in a crowded leafy park surrounded by strangers, the NOISe, people diving off the course after 200 yards to relieve themselves, people taking phone calls on Tower Bridge on their Blackberries, being overtaken by a giant lemon, overtaking Gordon Ramsay, the heat, the NOISE, the congestion, the boredom of the Isle of Dogs, the NOISE, the overwhelming desire to stop, the oppressive crowds witnessing one’s internal struggles, how long 600 metres seem, the NOISE, how long 400 metres seem, the heat, how long 200 metres seem, standing absolutely still, the weight of a medal on weary shoulders, the scale of the event, Trafalgar Square bathed in sunshine and awash with runners and supporters, the struggle to find anywhere in central London selling champagne on a Sunday afternoon (thank you M&S), the disappointment at not breaking 3 hours 20, the realisation that 3 hours 30 was not going to happen, the realisation that 3 hours 40 had passed, the fear that 4 hours was approaching, the sheer terror that 3 hours 54 was beckoning with the public ignominy in the restaurant and the loss of all bragging rights, the relief that regardless of time it was over.

I could go on. I will go on.

Later.

Dear Ben McLeod,

Thank you for entering the ballot for the 2010 Virgin London Marathon

We’ll let you know in early October 2009 if you’ve secured a place – you’ll receive a magazine through the post letting you know if you’ve been successful.

I hated every second of that run.

Am I going to do it again?

F**k yes!

Thank God that’s over.

What I’m doing sharing them on here I do not know.

Family illness can leave one feeling very vulnerable and helpless. Living as I do, some 400 miles away from my family, it can be difficult to know what behaviour is appropriate, realistic and helpful when something like this happens. When we got the news last March, sending down homemade batches of Auntie Sue’s favourite family recipe sweets seemed about the most beneficial thing I could do.

I felt I sidestepped a lot of the pain and suffering through being so far away and this upset me when I saw how much living with the situation was affecting my family – my uncle, my cousins, my mother (Sue’s twin sister) and father, my sisters and the rest of what I consider to be a very strong, close family. My decision to run the marathon was as much a show of support and solidarity for those of us that survive Sue as it was to demonstrate to her that I wanted to help. It was her wish that the money raised be directed to the Leckhampton Court hospice run by Sue Ryder Care where she received palliative care at different stages during her illness and seeing the total steadily rising towards the target set gives me tremendous satisfaction.

But that’s only half the battle. Tomorrow, I will run the 26.2 miles to mark her memory and just as importantly show thanks to all those who have so generously donated to the cause. The reality of what I’m about to do and what has spurred me on to do it has not hit home yet. But I’m hoping and expecting that the emotion will help, not hinder me as I make sure that I give it my bet shot – I’m not going to leave anything in the streets. If there was one thing I remember from my childhood with Auntie Sue it was her unwillingness to pretend that second best was anything other than second best and I intend to honour her memory with a run that takes me to the limit of my ability and leaves me beyond her gentle reproach.

www.justgiving.com/benmcleod

I’m on the train down to London, a sleeper, although I’m not sure the benefit of having a berth to sleep in will be of any practical benefit to me on this journey.

I’m reminded of Robert Louis Stevenson’s quotation: “To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.”

We’ll see.

Big Jim next door’s going to be happy when this is all over…

Instant pleasure

Microwave pizzas and falling asleep in an armchair. I feel I should maybe be looking after myself a little better with 5 days to go…